[ she looks a little uneasy now the more she listens to alex, realising what exactly was going down as more pieces of the puzzle fall into place.
but she tries to understand and to empathise all the same, knowing she should give him that at the very least. that and she knows she doesn't have clean hands when it comes to these sort of decisions. ]
Not everyone will be... comfortable with the idea of someone else in their head, trying to tell them this or that. I know you had the best intentions but-
[ lorem's throat constricts and she needs a second to avert her eyes, clear her throat. ] -but that's considered a line you can't cross for many. The mind is a private thing. Someone's thoughts and feelings are the few true things an individual can call their own. You can't... One can't force emotions or feelings or even memories on another individual to make them change. If anything, I think that would have caused Lamar to fight against us even more.
[ after that, she falls eerily quiet for a few seconds, clearly going through her own thoughts and feelings to sort this all out.
she knew that all too well from her own personal experience, that sharp and cold feeling that washes over a person upon learning they've been tricked in a way into thinking something, forced to feel or think things from forces that chose to do that to them. realising that unc- doctor sigfred had gone in her head, tinkered with her mind and behaviour was (is) one of the worst experiences in her life.
yet she tries to be gentle all the same. after she's counted to ten, backwards, in her head. ] ... The best thing we can do is present to him what he's done and how it can be done differently so he can choose to change. That's the important thing here. We can offer but we can't force.
he wants to believe it, really does. but the voice still whispers in his mind, words of vengeance, words of pain, of worthiness. it has walked alongst him since the very beginning, listened to him when he had no one else to turn to. even now, he can hear fray's voice — his own voice, berating him for being weak. gentleness will not serve when push comes to shove, when all goes down in flames. and yet...
and yet.
he nods, after a long silence. ]
You're right.
[ maybe, things worked differently in this world. different rules, different people. he has to change, even if it is painful.
he reaches out, lets his fingers close around the blue crystal, cupping it in his hands. its glow is faded, almost about to wink out. ]
I want to believe that. [ alex holds out the crystal to her. should she take it, she would be able to feel that it exudes a faint, hopeful light - calming. but it is faint, compared to the bitter aura of its companion. ] I made a mistake, back then. In trying to prevent them from hurting him... I guess, I too succumbed to their anger.
[ it doesn't help when his own festers. ]
And... I'm sorry. I should explain more of this to you, too. [ always keeping things to himself, in the hopes that he will resolve it alone, or that she will speak to him and console him in his dreams. ] I've been feeling everyone else's worry quite heavily. I think that's what affected me, for that moment.
Everyone makes mistakes in moments of fear, of haste. I'll be lying if I said I hadn't done such things myself.
The most important thing about mistakes is that you acknowledge it and try to better yourself after. No matter what happens. Otherwise one is no better than the reason for why they made the mistake in the first place. [ she thinks about victoria. doctor sigfred. magmarider. how much she wanted to make them pay back the hurt they caused and twice as much. how hard it was to let go of those urges. how her friends, time and again, prevented her from caving into the same fears and urges that caused the mess in the first place.
lorem wants to be like her friend for alex's sake. it's not easy to turn the other cheek, she knows that all too well but she's been trying for her sake and now she'll keep trying for alex's sake. no better way to lead an example than be an example, right?
... hmm. she takes the offered crystal into a hand, her fingers curling around it carefully upon feeling the warmth, the hope that it emits. lore looks at it for a while, studying how beautiful and fragile it seems to be, before she looks back up to address her friend's curious words. ]
... Feel? As in actually sense them? [ she frowns, intrigued and curious. ]
[ he nods. the darker crystal still calls to him - he can feel the way it burns on the table, solidified fear and regret and hate all distilled into a single, volatile stone. no wonder such things were utterly destroyed should the inquisition find them - but thus, they were all the more important for dark knights. only by calling upon such emotions could they triumph against the shackles of regimentation, to deliver justice upon those protected by corrupt laws.
... there are no such laws here, though. perhaps, it was time to put aside that claymore... and to learn to live without the darkness, if only for a while. ]
I can feel people's emotions, when they are with me. Just a little. I can't... not do it. It's like - seeing in a different colour. I'm magic sensitive, and in my home world, mana is one and the same with a person's life force.
[ he's sort of told her this before, but best to reiterate it again ]
I feel what they feel, even if I don't want to. It lets me know when someone is hurt, so I can help them. But... when I can't help them...
[ then, that's an entirely different matter, isn't it?
he casts a look at the darkened crystal again, plucks it from the table with two fingers and cradles it in his hands. it burns against his skin, a persistent reminder. ]
That... That sounds daunting, Alex. How long have you been able to sense that?
[ the explanation of his ability reminds her of someone she and the lornful light crew came across during their adventures. a seer-shaman, an organic alien from the calyex region who could 'see others' motives' as they described it.
the poor individual was miserable from always (always) picking up on others' intentions, emotions day in and day out. knowing everything and anything from everyone. often being too helpless to do anything due to circumstances or politics or whatever got in their way.
remembering the illion's frustration and anxiety has lorem holding alex's hand again, shifting the crystal in one hand to keep it safe. ] I wish I can tell you a solution for this. But I don't have one and maybe that's the best answer to have right now.
Sometimes the key to the solution, the problem - It won't come to mind. Not right away. Maybe it'll come a week from now. Or maybe a month. Maybe more than that.
But it will come. You can't give into the impatience, the need to make things the way one believes should be done. There are some things that need a little more time or resources or whatever is the key to solving it. [ it's something she's experienced, being the question that doctor sigfred tried to force an answer on, damn the consequences it had on her. it's something she's the hard way over the years when her own experiences and trials came.
it's also something she will use to help alex here. to let him know that he isn't alone in this. ] And I like to thinks that is a sort of thing that be shared with friends. So the burden is less daunting to carry.
[ very softly, his voice faded from recollection: ]
It's been a part of me ever since I could remember. I used to deal with it by traveling into the wilderness, where there are no people, but...
[ ... they can't have that now, can they? and so, he is shut into a prison of others' thoughts, the screams of their nightmares bleeding into his. he has told no one, because it's been demonstrated over and over again, that the echo is a burden as much as a blessing.
(sometimes, he still dreams of ysayle, a woman who too could hear the thoughts of others, who had been ensnared in a millennial web of lies and jumped to her death to atone for sins she did not commit. ysayle, a fellow elezen, who only wanted to make sure no child would freeze in the snow like she did.)
alex listens to lorem's voice, a calming river threading through the sullen silence that presses down on this world, a ray of light in the misty darkness.
he's quiet, eyes closed so he can focus on her words. only after a while does he open them again, one gold, one grey ]
... thank you. I... will hold your words to my heart.
[ often, he wished someone would advise him, much like Hydaelyn did. but five years have passed, and he's long since been weaned off such direct support. ]
I still feel so childish, sometimes. So... I'm glad you're patient with me. To explain.
[ for all the heroics that he's done, he's still a child in a grown man's body. perhaps, he should tell this to her too... but maybe, later. ]
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but she tries to understand and to empathise all the same, knowing she should give him that at the very least. that and she knows she doesn't have clean hands when it comes to these sort of decisions. ]
Not everyone will be... comfortable with the idea of someone else in their head, trying to tell them this or that. I know you had the best intentions but-
[ lorem's throat constricts and she needs a second to avert her eyes, clear her throat. ] -but that's considered a line you can't cross for many. The mind is a private thing. Someone's thoughts and feelings are the few true things an individual can call their own. You can't... One can't force emotions or feelings or even memories on another individual to make them change. If anything, I think that would have caused Lamar to fight against us even more.
[ after that, she falls eerily quiet for a few seconds, clearly going through her own thoughts and feelings to sort this all out.
she knew that all too well from her own personal experience, that sharp and cold feeling that washes over a person upon learning they've been tricked in a way into thinking something, forced to feel or think things from forces that chose to do that to them. realising that unc- doctor sigfred had gone in her head, tinkered with her mind and behaviour was (is) one of the worst experiences in her life.
yet she tries to be gentle all the same. after she's counted to ten, backwards, in her head. ] ... The best thing we can do is present to him what he's done and how it can be done differently so he can choose to change. That's the important thing here. We can offer but we can't force.
no subject
he wants to believe it, really does. but the voice still whispers in his mind, words of vengeance, words of pain, of worthiness. it has walked alongst him since the very beginning, listened to him when he had no one else to turn to. even now, he can hear fray's voice — his own voice, berating him for being weak. gentleness will not serve when push comes to shove, when all goes down in flames. and yet...
and yet.
he nods, after a long silence. ]
You're right.
[ maybe, things worked differently in this world. different rules, different people. he has to change, even if it is painful.
he reaches out, lets his fingers close around the blue crystal, cupping it in his hands. its glow is faded, almost about to wink out. ]
I want to believe that. [ alex holds out the crystal to her. should she take it, she would be able to feel that it exudes a faint, hopeful light - calming. but it is faint, compared to the bitter aura of its companion. ] I made a mistake, back then. In trying to prevent them from hurting him... I guess, I too succumbed to their anger.
[ it doesn't help when his own festers. ]
And... I'm sorry. I should explain more of this to you, too. [ always keeping things to himself, in the hopes that he will resolve it alone, or that she will speak to him and console him in his dreams. ] I've been feeling everyone else's worry quite heavily. I think that's what affected me, for that moment.
no subject
The most important thing about mistakes is that you acknowledge it and try to better yourself after. No matter what happens. Otherwise one is no better than the reason for why they made the mistake in the first place. [ she thinks about victoria. doctor sigfred. magmarider. how much she wanted to make them pay back the hurt they caused and twice as much. how hard it was to let go of those urges. how her friends, time and again, prevented her from caving into the same fears and urges that caused the mess in the first place.
lorem wants to be like her friend for alex's sake. it's not easy to turn the other cheek, she knows that all too well but she's been trying for her sake and now she'll keep trying for alex's sake. no better way to lead an example than be an example, right?
... hmm. she takes the offered crystal into a hand, her fingers curling around it carefully upon feeling the warmth, the hope that it emits. lore looks at it for a while, studying how beautiful and fragile it seems to be, before she looks back up to address her friend's curious words. ]
... Feel? As in actually sense them? [ she frowns, intrigued and curious. ]
no subject
... there are no such laws here, though. perhaps, it was time to put aside that claymore... and to learn to live without the darkness, if only for a while. ]
I can feel people's emotions, when they are with me. Just a little. I can't... not do it. It's like - seeing in a different colour. I'm magic sensitive, and in my home world, mana is one and the same with a person's life force.
[ he's sort of told her this before, but best to reiterate it again ]
I feel what they feel, even if I don't want to. It lets me know when someone is hurt, so I can help them. But... when I can't help them...
[ then, that's an entirely different matter, isn't it?
he casts a look at the darkened crystal again, plucks it from the table with two fingers and cradles it in his hands. it burns against his skin, a persistent reminder. ]
... I don't know what to do.
no subject
[ the explanation of his ability reminds her of someone she and the lornful light crew came across during their adventures. a seer-shaman, an organic alien from the calyex region who could 'see others' motives' as they described it.
the poor individual was miserable from always (always) picking up on others' intentions, emotions day in and day out. knowing everything and anything from everyone. often being too helpless to do anything due to circumstances or politics or whatever got in their way.
remembering the illion's frustration and anxiety has lorem holding alex's hand again, shifting the crystal in one hand to keep it safe. ] I wish I can tell you a solution for this. But I don't have one and maybe that's the best answer to have right now.
Sometimes the key to the solution, the problem - It won't come to mind. Not right away. Maybe it'll come a week from now. Or maybe a month. Maybe more than that.
But it will come. You can't give into the impatience, the need to make things the way one believes should be done. There are some things that need a little more time or resources or whatever is the key to solving it. [ it's something she's experienced, being the question that doctor sigfred tried to force an answer on, damn the consequences it had on her. it's something she's the hard way over the years when her own experiences and trials came.
it's also something she will use to help alex here. to let him know that he isn't alone in this. ] And I like to thinks that is a sort of thing that be shared with friends. So the burden is less daunting to carry.
no subject
It's been a part of me ever since I could remember. I used to deal with it by traveling into the wilderness, where there are no people, but...
[ ... they can't have that now, can they? and so, he is shut into a prison of others' thoughts, the screams of their nightmares bleeding into his. he has told no one, because it's been demonstrated over and over again, that the echo is a burden as much as a blessing.
(sometimes, he still dreams of ysayle, a woman who too could hear the thoughts of others, who had been ensnared in a millennial web of lies and jumped to her death to atone for sins she did not commit. ysayle, a fellow elezen, who only wanted to make sure no child would freeze in the snow like she did.)
alex listens to lorem's voice, a calming river threading through the sullen silence that presses down on this world, a ray of light in the misty darkness.
he's quiet, eyes closed so he can focus on her words. only after a while does he open them again, one gold, one grey ]
... thank you. I... will hold your words to my heart.
[ often, he wished someone would advise him, much like Hydaelyn did. but five years have passed, and he's long since been weaned off such direct support. ]
I still feel so childish, sometimes. So... I'm glad you're patient with me. To explain.
[ for all the heroics that he's done, he's still a child in a grown man's body. perhaps, he should tell this to her too... but maybe, later. ]